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Old 03-10-2003, 02:25   #1 (permalink)
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What those little telephone messages REALLY mean



Having just gotten off the phone to Telstra I think I have finally sussed out what that nice little recorded message that they play while you are waiting means.

It should be something like this:

"Your call is important to us. That's why we are keeping you in an endless queue and feeding you sh*t music that we get royalty free 'cos no one would be stupid enough to pay for it, in the eternal hope that we'll completely piss you off and you'll go away so we don't have to speak to you. Ever.

However. If you are the incorrigible type that simply won't go away and we can't succeed in diconnecting your call, then we have a collection of mindless drones who barely speak English and who have been specifically trained in making promises we can't/won't/ keep or just telling lies in order to get you off the phone so that we can achieve our Key Performance Target of pissed off people today.

Your call may be recorded for the purposes of giving us a massive laugh or to train our operators to be even more obtuse than normal (yes it is possible). If you wish to deny us this small pleasure, please let the operator know.

Every now and then we will interrupt the quality music broadcast to either make you believe that your call has progressed in the queue (it hasn't) or to try and sell you another product we can't/won't/don't know how to, supply.

Thank you for calling and if you haven't torn out what's left of your hair then we have failed in our duty to you the Customer."



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Old 03-10-2003, 02:27   #2 (permalink)
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Thumbs down

I think I got the same operator as you a few weeks ago.
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Old 03-10-2003, 02:35   #3 (permalink)
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I can see that you put quite a bit of time into writing that. On hold perhaps ?

You should hear the ATO hold music - yeerrrrk!!!!
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Old 03-10-2003, 05:33   #4 (permalink)
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LoL

I know it all too well. Hell I worked for them and they still pissed me off.
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Old 03-11-2003, 17:37   #5 (permalink)
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geez I hate telstra, I would love $0.01c for every minute I have spent on hold with them............. I would be a millionaire!
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Old 03-12-2003, 02:55   #6 (permalink)
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Being one of the persons who take these calls (not in the department you rang though) I find this quite funny. Reason being is that 99% of australians do not know how to communicate in the very basic language known as English. When they decide to speak they mumble and ramble on about things i dont need to know, nor do i care about.

There ringing a service that only helps when the customer has ALL the information, yet when the customer fails to supply the correct information its MY fault because im just a quote "stupid puppet" or "a F&&&&ing moron" and then they hang up.

Some people expect miracle from customer service yet they have no idea what they want in the first place. They also blame the operator (who by the way is not the owner of the company) for supplying a 'crap' service and if it was theirs (the customer) then it would be 100% better.

Its come to the point where i just say stuff ya now, and hang up. Why should i waste my time on some dead beat who has no clue what day it is, let alone why they rang me.

P.S. im not having a go at anyone here, but when you ring a service, first of all have the information with you, and not think about it when your wasting my time....
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Old 03-12-2003, 04:30   #7 (permalink)
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nice try russ, but you missed one very important part of the joys of calling a large organisation...

"please press one for this, for confusion, please press two, if you dont understand this crap, please press three, and top be put into an insufferably long queue, please press four".

the funniest thing about these 'layers' is that is called 'skills based routing'. theoretically, there are fully trained operators signed onto certain lines which can help you immdeiately with your query.

best of all, try calling the myer card line. if the accents dont sound too australian, that is because you are talking to someone in india. and you reckon you have trouble communicating with people who live here



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Old 03-12-2003, 14:30   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by rsgerry
best of all, try calling the myer card line. if the accents dont sound too australian, that is because you are talking to someone in india. and you reckon you have trouble communicating with people who live here
I hear ya there mate! Same thing goes for Dell spare parts & upgrades... you make the selection, wait for about 15 seconds whilst hearing a few clicks etc., and then all of a sudden the line quality drops 50% and there is a slight Asian accent to the pre-recorded attendant.

No doubt their call centre is running out of Malaysia... gives me a case of "The Royal Sh*ts"
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Old 03-13-2003, 07:19   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by russelw
in the eternal hope that we'll completely piss you off and you'll go away so we don't have to speak to you
Damn pricks! It works that's for sure!
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Old 03-13-2003, 18:10   #10 (permalink)
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Well i've found a good way around this long queue, SPEAKER PHONE. Just sit back and do what you want untill there ready.

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