Wilson's Nails (joke)
Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs
a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works
in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson's
"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with
A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see
Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play.
A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He
turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Wilson's
Nails, they'll hold anything."
Wilson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you?
They'll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but
no more Romans crucifying Jesus!"
Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to
see Wilson with another tape. He puts it in the machine
and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman
standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross.
The Roman looks up at him and says 'Wilson's Nails,
they'll hold anything'.
Wilson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't
want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll
give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an
advertisement that I can broadcast."
A week passes and Wilson waits impatiently. The marketing
executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man
with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a
field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill,
hot on his trail. One of them turns to camera and says
'If only we had used Wilson's Nails!'.
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there? Said the Pieman unto Simon, Pies, you dickhead