Xmas Food Humour - Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars
Ford Forum Ford Forum

» Auto Insurance
» Featured Product
» Wheel & Tire Center

Go Back   Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Fordforums Community > The Pub
Register Home Forum Active Topics Photo Gallery Auto Loans Garage Mark Forums Read Auto Escrow

The Pub For General Discussion

FordForums.com is the premier Ford Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-19-2001, 16:29   #1 (permalink)
FM
The SparkleHunter™
 
FM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Gettin' ready for MiniChucky!
Age: 38
Posts: 10,144
Xmas Food Humour

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.
__________________
Chucky's saying of the month- Finish your beer! There are sober kiddies in Ethiopia.."
Another BSR BigCall™
--------------------------------------
FordForums Polo Shirts & Caps are now on sale.. Get both for $50.00 + postage. Click here for details!
FM is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-19-2001, 16:40   #2 (permalink)
Shh i'm huntin more power
 
Jase_ELXR8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1,764
Good one FM, i like it.....
Jase_ELXR8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2001, 16:45   #3 (permalink)
Crazed Cone Chaser
 
MADXF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 2,524
LMAO!!!....sensational FM, thats exactly how it should be.
__________________
Do I really have to write something funny in here?

DILLIGAF: a subsiduary of the DGAF NOP group of companies.
BSR Member - 'Blanky' 'ConeKiller'

Go Here for My Garage Sale
MADXF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2001, 17:10   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Falchoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,544
Re: Xmas Food Humour

Quote:
Originally posted by Ford Man
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

But I like fruitcake!
__________________
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

____o00o_=^..^=_o00o____
Falchoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Fordforums Community > The Pub



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lugo performance xmas party/dyno challenge 12/9/01 mfp4073 Ford Mustang Forum 1 01-05-2007 13:40
3FB / Ford Forums NSW Xmas event ideas JR The Pub 107 12-07-2003 15:00
ACT Xmas Lunch JaKal On the Road in Australia 2 12-01-2002 18:18
Xmas Party emails TopGhia The Pub 1 11-29-2002 19:12
Wanted to buy - Sense of Humour Falchoon The Pub 3 06-08-2002 01:48

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 14:20.



Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Garage Plus vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.