The first one is easy: turn the defroster on before you turn the car off. Whatever is left on when you turn the car off should again come on when you remote-start the car.
For the second and third items, I would contact Crutchfield.com...if not to buy, just for their excellent source of information. They're very good at this kind of thing, and they usually have everything you need in stock.
Hope this helps, if not, we'll try again.