you said you've used your circuit testor on the ecc relay, so I'm assuming you've already located and correctly identified it. What you can do is just take that relay right out and take it to a dealership or major garage (like a chain franchise), and they can test it properly for your, for little or no charge.
I know this is going to sound very basic, and I'm certainly not trying to insult your intellegence, but have you checked the fuseable links (big fuses) in the main box in the engine compartment? If you check your fuse guide, you'll see that just one or two of those happen to protect all of those systems you mentioned, and not the headlights. If you have the 1.9L like I do (and yes, the 1.8 and 1.9 are totally different in almost every way), then it would be that third one down, 100 A, that supports almost every single one of those. Also, was that reset button that you checked the one just above the internal fuse box right below the dash?