The different types of chain letters......
I HATE CHAIN LETTERS
Hello, my name is Doodles. I am suffering from a very rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of
being kidnapped and executed by electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion f'ing chain letters sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on, then that a poor 6 year old
girl living in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to
raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit.
So basically, this message is a big "%^&* YOU" to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
apartment and hurt me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which
started by 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims
on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2010, it'll be in the
Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
@#$%^&* them all!!!
If you're going to forward something, at least send me
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't !@#$%^&
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of
all, if you don't send this to 7296 people in the next 5 seconds, you
will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
You see, I have just heard the most horrible thing. There is a
starving little boy in Beceriousudumphuc who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats.
This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time
you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Beceriousudumphuc Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the
emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on,
reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many sad fools with nothing better to do. So this is
how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or
horrible will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe
in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only
did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail
and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to
hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every
one of your friends.
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and
your breath smells like you've been eating cat food.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat
full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
again. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening
to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to
a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to
look at me naked!