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Old 07-29-2005, 13:01   #1 (permalink)
NoOption5L@aol.com
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Posts: n/a
OT: You Gotta Love Little Kids!!

Too funny not to share...

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"
explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
_______________________________________________

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"!
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
________________________________________________

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and
out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
________________________________________________

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
_________________________________________________

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter
Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
_______________________________________

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember Mommy
has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?"
_________________________________________________

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right
now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two
plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
_________________________________________________
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he
said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach
for the next 10 minutes.

Patrick
'93 Cobra

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Old 07-29-2005, 14:01   #2 (permalink)
Spike
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: OT: You Gotta Love Little Kids!!

Raising a child to age 18, over $100,000.
Experiencing a childs passage through those years.... PRICELESS!
: 0 )

On 29 Jul 2005 12:33:03 -0700, NoOption5L@aol.com wrote:

>Too funny not to share...
>
>A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
>She asked him if it was dead or alive.
>"Dead." She was informed.
>"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"
>explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
>move."
>_______________________________________________
>
>A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>Five minutes later....
>"Da-ad...."
>"What?
>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
>"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
>Five minutes later:
>"Da-aaaad....."
>"WHAT?"!
>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>Five minutes later......
>"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>"WHAT!"
>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>________________________________________________
>
>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and
>out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>________________________________________________
>
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
>her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
>with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
>"The big sissy."
>_________________________________________________
>
>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>sermon.
>All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
>wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor
>leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter
>Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
>microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>_______________________________________
>
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
>shower.
>She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
>remember Mommy
>has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
>growing in your butt?"
>_________________________________________________
>
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
>five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
>bitch is nine...."
>His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
>day,
>"What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right
>now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
>them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
>teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two
>plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>_________________________________________________
>One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
>tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
>up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he
>said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach
>for the next 10 minutes.
>
>Patrick
>'93 Cobra


Spike
1965 Ford Mustang fastback 2+2 A Code 289 C4 Trac-Lok
Vintage Burgundy w/Black Standard Interior; Vintage 40
16" rims w/BF Goodrich Comp T/A gForce Radial
225/50ZR16 KDWS skins; surround sound audio-video.

"When the time comes to lay down my life for my country,
I do not cower from this responsibility. I welcome it."
-JFK Inaugural Address
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Old 08-03-2005, 13:01   #3 (permalink)
Fao, Sean
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Posts: n/a
Re: OT: You Gotta Love Little Kids!!

NoOption5L@aol.com wrote:
> Too funny not to share...


Agreed. Thanks for sharing!

--
Sean
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