This is the night my wife and I exchange xmas gifts. Eight years ago, I
asked this very cute, very smart, and very funny chick with legs up to
her neck named Heather to marry me. Early in the morning, I presented
her with a confusing box that contained a diamond ring in the bottom of
it. And quite unbelievably, she's still here!
So today, I've come to learn that the big, ponderous box in the corner
SIX 22-oz. bottles of Arrogant Bastard Ale
TWO Arrogant Bastard Ale pint glasses, and
ONE Arrogant Bastard Ale t-shirt
Stone Brewery even put a mini candy cane in the box!
As I write this, I have so far savoured 1 1/2 bottles of this very
bitter, dark, and very damned good (and very strong - 7.2%) ale, using
the glass that says, "Fizzy yellow beer is for wussies".
I am also proudly wearing the black t-shirt that proclaims on the front:
"I am an arrogant bastard". On the back is a larger logo, complete with
the "You're Not Worthy" slogan, mirroring the bottle labels.
Want pics? I've uploaded a couple to the website for your collective
mirth. It's no male model head shot, but like I ****ing care. I even
de-cloaked myself, and included one of my self-taken mug. Yeah, I look
blotchy and tired, but WTF do you want, COSMO? I took the damned thing
in bad light, by myself.
And what, pray tell, is that lumpy thing covered with cloth the empty
bottle is perched on? That's the tank my silly old python lives in.
The hatching snake I've so carefully raised is now 12 years old, and
King Louie (python regius, aka "ball python") is unofficially dubbed TS
#65 1/2. The serpentine bastard has bitten me once, but it was my fault.
I don't know if he counts, but I will leave it up to the committee for
the say-so. I think it would be cool if an actual, fat-ass, rat-eating
5-foot python gets a number (of sorts) under these auspices.
What a fantastic chick I've married, who entertains such silly wonts,
and goes to such trouble to do it. I shudder to think of what this all
cost, but I DON'T CARE because I'm getting ****ing BIT on this fantastic
concoction tonight, and she is cheering me on all the while.
And, yes, I insisted that she taste the biting nectar that ABA is, and
she actually, literally GAGGED on it, washing it down with Bud Light!
She said, "God... ACK... well then, I AM a wussy... koff".
I AM WORTHY
I AM WOUND UP
GLORY IS MINE TONIGHT
Re-claiming my TRUE NAME....
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