Anal Bandit

Greetings chaps,
Recently my turbo v70 (cherry with mags) started misfiring and soforth.
Suspecting the catalytic converter, i had my boyfriend, Ruben, apply his
anal lips to the exhaust pipe. I recommend an insertion of at least 4 inches
as this gives the most accurate measurement of exhaust temperature. If you
have the twin pipes, get a friend over.

I then activated the vehicle and let it run for around 5 seconds. After
switching it off, i reamed Ruben's arsehole out for about half an hour using
my tongue, and fingered him a little. I then probed him with my penis, which
is sensitive to byproducts of petrolium combustion. My diagnosis? The type
of itching and swelling I experienced was indicative of nitrogen deficiency
in the exhaust. If you are having problems in this way we would love to
help. ONE CAN NOT simply insert their penis into the exhaust - IT WILL NOT
WORK.


Cheers,
Anal Bandit

Fred

Anal Bandit wrote:

> Greetings chaps,
> Recently my turbo v70 (cherry with mags) started misfiring and soforth.
> Suspecting the catalytic converter, i had my boyfriend, Ruben, apply his
> anal lips to the exhaust pipe. I recommend an insertion of at least 4
> inches as this gives the most accurate measurement of exhaust temperature.
> If you have the twin pipes, get a friend over.
>
> I then activated the vehicle and let it run for around 5 seconds. After
> switching it off, i reamed Ruben's arsehole out for about half an hour
> using my tongue, and fingered him a little. I then probed him with my
> penis, which is sensitive to byproducts of petrolium combustion. My
> diagnosis? The type of itching and swelling I experienced was indicative
> of nitrogen deficiency in the exhaust. If you are having problems in this
> way we would love to help. ONE CAN NOT simply insert their penis into the
> exhaust - IT WILL NOT WORK.
>
>
> Cheers,
> Anal Bandit

Reminds me of the time my 98lb wife actually suck started my rare 850 manual
shift.
It was a cold winter eve and I was too drunk to drive much less diagnose a
car problem.. but never-the-less that is what I was faced with. Our trusty
850 had failed to start, and I foolishly had run the battery down in my
vain attempts to start it. But what was I to do?
Suddenly inspiration struck me! In the trunk I had a bottle of 100% pure
grain alcohol, won't mention the brand name. I think there is only one.
I keep it for spiking the drinks of young co-eds, you'd be amazed at what it
can do.

Of course a snort was in order and I processed thusly, immediately , if you
will.

Then I ordered her out of the car and asked her in the most ungetlemanly
fashion to "please suck right here as hard as you ... normally do." I then
moved to the front of the car and spit a stream of the liquor onto the
thottle body area... really I spit it all over I suppose. My wife
impugned.. "How long do I have to do this?" I answered... sort of yelling,
"Just like normal!"

I knew that now was primetime... when she asks that question, one had better
hold on. It would appear a redoubling of her efforts were underway as I
spat and she sucked and the motor came magnificantly to life!

We were shortly underway, me fastly aslep in the passengers seat and her,
foot to the floor, driving fastly into that safe goodnight.