Re: Sure is quiet
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!" She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
It was the postman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big food hamper.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine liqueurs. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific collectable coins. At the fourth house a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee met him at the door.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, closed it behind him, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced.
When they were done they met downstairs. There she fixed him a giant breakfast with eggs, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, tomatoes, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming hot tea. As she was pouring, he noticed a five-pound note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the fiver for?
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "**** him. Give him a fiver." The lady added, "The breakfast was my idea."