These comments taken off police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after
you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of
the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to
write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours;
so you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS...
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.