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Owner Of Tommy Turbo
Joined
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272 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Heres a laugh or 2

Used Car Classifieds Translations

If the ad says…. it really means….

MUST SELL… before it blows up.
RUNS FINE… I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.
NEEDS SOME BODY WORK… was side-swiped by a Winnebago.
WELL-MAINTAINED… I occasionally changed the oil.
LOOKS LIKE NEW… just don't try to drive it anywhere.
ALL ORIGINAL… I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
LOADED WITH OPTIONS… each one more troublesome than the last.
NEVER SMOKED IN… unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
PROJECT CAR… I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.
LOTS OF POTENTIAL… to drive you insane.
NEEDS MINOR REPAIR… doesn't run.
ENGINE QUIET... uses 90-weight oil
PARTS CAR... beyond repair.
ROUGH CONDITION… too bad to lie about.
IMMACULATE... recently washed.
CONCOURS... recently waxed.
NEEDS MINOR OVERHAUL... needs engine.
NEEDS MAJOR OVERHAUL... phone the junkyard.
BURNS NO OIL... (it all leaks out).
REBUILT ENGINE... cleaned the spark plugs.
DRIVE IT AWAY... I live on a hill.
DRIVE IT ANYWHERE... (within 10 miles).
DESIRABLE CLASSIC... no one wants it.
RARE CLASSIC... no one wanted it even when it was new.
STORED 20 YEARS... (in a farmer's field).
RAN WHEN STORED... won't start.
NEVER APART... bolts too rounded to loosen.
SOLID AS A ROCK... rusted solid
RESTORED, WITH 0 MILES... won't start.
RESTORED, WITH 2 MILES... won't stay running.
OLDER RESTORATION... first owner washed it.
GOOD INVESTMENT... can't be worth much less.
NO TIME TO RESTORE IT... can't obtain parts.
95% COMPLETE... other 5% doesn't exist.
CLEAN… homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.
GOOD TRANSPORTATION… It's ugly as sin.
ENGINE BLUEPRINTED… I don't know what it means either.
EXCELLENT GAS MILEAGE… It's slow.
LOW MILES… the odometer was turned back.
ONE OWNER… can't give it away.
SURE TO APPRECIATE… that's why I'm selling it.
. . .OR BEST OFFER… I'm guessing here.
FASTER THAN A 'VETTE… A Chevette.
OTHER INTERESTS CONFLICT... spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #[email protected]&## thing goes or I do!"

The rest of the site is here, pretty funny..........enjoy
http://www.hotrodscustomstuff.com/HUMOR.html
 

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T5 Expert Operator
Joined
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6,540 Posts
Hehehe funny stuff in there, hehehe some of the comments in there are true at times.
 

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Registered
Joined
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3,544 Posts
Car acronyms

CHEVROLET:
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

GM:
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

SUBARU:
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
 

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My Neck Hurts....
Joined
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501 Posts
A Chevette, by the way, is a small 4-cyl from the late 70's/early 80's that is about as big as a Gemini. It was replaced by the Cavalier which, underneath, was a Camira, only they had a 2.8 Litre V6.

I had a mate that drove one in Vancouver, and it used to break down on him all the time. He bit the bullet and bought a 2000 V6 Isuzu Rodeo. Which is a Holden Frontera in Australia.

He wanted to always call it a ROW-DEE-O and I always wanted to call it a ROW-DAY-O.

Oh christ I can babble on with Crap.


Lukeyson
 

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Formerly J-type
Joined
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1,629 Posts
I'll add some more...

ABS - Steers off the road during braking.
STI - Sh!t tin international.
SRS Airbag - Just grab the pillow in the back seat.
Turbo Timer - The amount of time before the turbo blows up.
Boost Gauge - Rev counter.
Type R - 1300cc Honda civic LX.
Crumple zones - Passenger compartment.
Headlights - 8v torch.
Racing seats - bathroom stool.
Bonnet vents - Rust holes.
CVT - 2nd gear only.
Sound system - portable radio.
Leather Trim - Toilet paper.
Traction Control - Sliding Sideways.
IRS - Flexible chassis.
Aircon - Smashed windscreen.
Trip computer - Wife occupied passenger seat.
Keyless entry - Crowbar or brick through the window.
Cruise control - Jammed throttle.
Hand Brake - Placement of brick under wheel.
Power Windows - hand wound.
 
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