G
Guest
·Dear Mr. Ford:
I see you're having tough times lately. It sounds as if you realise
this is mostly because people don't want to buy the cars you've got on
offer. That new Ford Five Hundred sedan, and its Lincoln and Mercury
rebadged versions, are total sales flops for you, which has got to be
tough to stomach. But it's not all bad news; your salvation, at least
from the product side of the equation, is right in your own backyard,
in Australia. I mention this because it's been the case for about 12
years now and you and your predecessors seem not to have noticed it.
Bring this car to America, Mr. Ford:
http://www.fpv.com.au/index.asp?link_id=2.440 . Definitely bring this
high-zoot version, sure, but also bring the more docile Falcons like
the ones shown at http://www.ford.com.au/range/falcon/models/ . The
2-doors, the 4-doors, the station wagons, and the utes:
http://www.ford.com.au/range/falconute/models . Replace the aging and
dangerous Clown Victoria with the Fairlane:
http://www.ford.com.au/range/fairlane/models/ , and every cop shop and
taxi company will buy your cars because they want to, not because they
have to.
Pay attention, Mr. Ford, for this is the important part: *Don't ****
them up*. Bring them intact. Do the bare minimum of changes necessary
to comply with North American safety standards: Left-hand driving
position, DOT-certified headlights and taillights, sidemarker lights
and reflectors, US-spec airbags instead of the safer Australian ones,
that kind of thing, sure, but don't downgrade the suspension, brakes,
tires or anything else to bring the car in line with what you perceive
as "American tastes". Your notions of "American tastes" are obviously
in dire need of recalibration, and the machines linked herein are just
the tools to do so. Most imperatively, don't replace the world-class
4-litre inline Six engine these cars have with the mediocre V6s you've
heretofore foisted on North Americans. Do what is necessary to ensure
that quality is built into the cars, not slapped on as an advertising
slogan. Bring the cars *intact* from Australia.
You don't sell anything I want, Mr. Ford, and you haven't for decades.
But do this, Mr. Ford, and I'll buy one. Maybe even two. I bet I'm not
alone.
--DS
I see you're having tough times lately. It sounds as if you realise
this is mostly because people don't want to buy the cars you've got on
offer. That new Ford Five Hundred sedan, and its Lincoln and Mercury
rebadged versions, are total sales flops for you, which has got to be
tough to stomach. But it's not all bad news; your salvation, at least
from the product side of the equation, is right in your own backyard,
in Australia. I mention this because it's been the case for about 12
years now and you and your predecessors seem not to have noticed it.
Bring this car to America, Mr. Ford:
http://www.fpv.com.au/index.asp?link_id=2.440 . Definitely bring this
high-zoot version, sure, but also bring the more docile Falcons like
the ones shown at http://www.ford.com.au/range/falcon/models/ . The
2-doors, the 4-doors, the station wagons, and the utes:
http://www.ford.com.au/range/falconute/models . Replace the aging and
dangerous Clown Victoria with the Fairlane:
http://www.ford.com.au/range/fairlane/models/ , and every cop shop and
taxi company will buy your cars because they want to, not because they
have to.
Pay attention, Mr. Ford, for this is the important part: *Don't ****
them up*. Bring them intact. Do the bare minimum of changes necessary
to comply with North American safety standards: Left-hand driving
position, DOT-certified headlights and taillights, sidemarker lights
and reflectors, US-spec airbags instead of the safer Australian ones,
that kind of thing, sure, but don't downgrade the suspension, brakes,
tires or anything else to bring the car in line with what you perceive
as "American tastes". Your notions of "American tastes" are obviously
in dire need of recalibration, and the machines linked herein are just
the tools to do so. Most imperatively, don't replace the world-class
4-litre inline Six engine these cars have with the mediocre V6s you've
heretofore foisted on North Americans. Do what is necessary to ensure
that quality is built into the cars, not slapped on as an advertising
slogan. Bring the cars *intact* from Australia.
You don't sell anything I want, Mr. Ford, and you haven't for decades.
But do this, Mr. Ford, and I'll buy one. Maybe even two. I bet I'm not
alone.
--DS