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Just give me an excuse...
3,949 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Thats right something to offend everyone so don't flame me :wnc:

1. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the

pricks on the outside.

2. What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity

3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 kilos.

4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.

5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None,they just sit

there in the dark and bitch.

6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp


7. Why are men and parking spaces alike? Because all the good ones are gone

and the only ones left are disabled.

8. What have men and floor tiles got in common? If you lay them properly the

first time, you can walk all over them for life.

9. Why do men want to marry virgins? >They can't stand criticism.

10. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and

good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

11. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year,

the dog is still excited to see you.

12. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same

urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

13. What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during


14. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

15. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the

dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

16. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who has the

biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.

17. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your Mom.

18. How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their

eyes closed.

19. How do you know when you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac

tells you, "Lets just be friends."

20. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have

cotton balls.

21. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.

22. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A Bingo


23. Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex too.

24. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

25. What three two-letter words mean small? "Is It In?"

26. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.

27. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you

have? Divorce proceedings most likely.

28. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania? Everyone has the same DNA.

29. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a blonde baby? They named

him Sum Ting Wong.

30. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the

other? A speech impediment.

31. What does it mean when the flag at a US Post Office is flying at half

mast? They're hiring.

32. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common? Men miss

them all.

33. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have


34. Why aren't there any Aboriginals on Star Trek? Because they're not going

to work in the future either.

35. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."

36. What do you call an New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm? A


37. What's the difference between a Japanese zoo, and an Australian zoo? A

Japanese zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along

with a recipe.

38. What's the Indonesian National Anthem? Row row row your boat.

1,043 Posts

wonder how long its gonna take for some one to take this seriously??


a little bit sideways
1,258 Posts
great stuff. loved them all....

3,133 Posts
Nice, got a few laughs at work!

E-series mutantette
1,890 Posts
LMAO! funny stuff, but for number 29. i have a diff joke almost the same but with the same answer

did u hear about the chinese couple that had a baby with ADD?

they called it sum ting wong

same thing i guess, still funny lol

5,083 Posts
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can cook in the dark.

Officially Bored with 347
3,584 Posts
What a [email protected] good work mate
What do women & clouds have in common?
Once they pi$$ off its a nice day
My favourite

774 Posts
Don't know how I missed this one.. To busy around Christmas i spose..


As for this one
21. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel

I have heard it like this..
What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesn't???

In Pursuit of excellence
855 Posts
What do you call a chinese man with a breathing problem ?
One bung lung.

What do you call a chinese man with one ball lower than the other ?
One hung low.

what do you call a chinese man going down on his wife ?
C#*t on tongue.
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