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Credit to our Mod Bert for these .


I’m having a quarantine party this weekend! None of you are invited.
- We are just two to three weeks away from learning everyone’s real hair color.

- All these people are worrying about a baby boom in the next nine months. Two days of homeschooling should nip that right in the bud!

- I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe!

- The Department of Health is looking to hire couples married seven years or more to educate people on social distancing.

- Quarantine Day 16. I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers. Some of them are actually quite nice. Jamar from Superior Life Insurance has a new baby.

- This is like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded. Geez.


- My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine. It’s called, “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” There are no winners.


- When we come out of this and I ask you where you want to eat, I do NOT want to hear, “I don’t know.” ...YOU HAD 62 DAYS!


- Just bought six pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.


- It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for eight weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for 15 years.


- Hormel Foods made their first batch of SPAM in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food, they have announced they will be making their second batch later this week.


- Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of coloring!


- Anyone else getting a tan from the light in your refrigerator?
 
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